just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
