OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
