Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
