Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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