He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
