i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
