Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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