If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize