I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
