There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
