The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
