so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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