I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize