he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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