so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
