Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
