careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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