i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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