Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
