I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
