The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
