You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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