Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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