Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
