I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
