I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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