My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
