Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
