she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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