I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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