Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Say something about gay babies.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
