a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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