Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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