Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
