you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
