There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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