It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
