I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
