You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You need a sexual gate keeper
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
