I'm laying in your front yard are you home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
