Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
