I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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