I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize