so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
