Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
