and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize