so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
