I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
