One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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