Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
