well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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