I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize