that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
