my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
