I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
