I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
