We won't sleep together?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
