Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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