a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
only you would photoshop your dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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