no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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