She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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