I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
