i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
