should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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