Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
