I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
