Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
