My underwear smells like fireworks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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