I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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