I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
