There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
