No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How's work?
Spinning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize