Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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