Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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