WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
