All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
