Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize