So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
