my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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