First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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