Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
