does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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