this boner is exhausting
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
