he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
