WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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