My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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