omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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