I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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