Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
