She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
