Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this is an emotional support booty call
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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