I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
