I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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