can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
