I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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