Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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