Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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