Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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