it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
