im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
