Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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