Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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