I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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