I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
