There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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