mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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