if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
