why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
