your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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