sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
